02 Faking Happiness at the Office is Like Faking an Orgasm

Now that I have your attention, I will make my first (of many) confessions. While planning this episode, I struggled quite a bit with the title. Is it too much? Will it turn executive women away? As executive women, we got to be where we are by cutting out the “extra” and speaking our minds. So to hell with it...I decided to keep the title. 

Using the work-orgasm analogy allowed me the best way to explain what we, as high-performing women, have done for years. Then, one day we look up and wake up to the reality of our “faking it” due to failed health, corporate downsizing, being passed up for promotion, or after we’ve ruined our relationships for the sake of succeeding at the office. This analogy puts the message in terms you will understand (and can relate to) whether you will ever admit to “faking it” or not! 

How many times have you faked happiness at the office? What is the status of your relationships? Does work get in the way of your love life? Does your family suffer because you are too stressed out to be present once you arrive home? Do you find yourself responding overly emotional to slights that happen at work and then wonder why you just can’t seem to let it go? Do you blame your boss, coworkers, company for you not being happy? Do you even know what happiness would look like for you? Well, in this episode, I’m sharing with you five reasons why faking it at the office is just like faking an orgasm.

Join me on the podcast this week to learn five reasons why you should never “fake it” when it comes to your happiness at work or otherwise. Bottom line, no matter how much you try to “fake it,” you'll NEVER be satisfied. And while you think you’re hiding it, you’re not. So listen as I share how not facing the truth in one area of your life will spill into all others. Then, when you decide that you will no longer “fake it” at anything,  happiness is right around the corner.

What you will learn in this episode:

• How you’ve become a master at faking it, and you may not even realize it.
• That there are no rewards, medals, or all-expense-paid vacations for allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
• How faking it at work sent me to the ER.
• How faking it will rob you of your ability to experience the joy of true happiness.

We’ve all heard people say “fake it ‘til you make it” before. And while it does work for some time, it eventually gets old. You will become bitter, resentful, and begin to see yourself as the victim of a situation, that if you’re honest, you’ve allowed yourself to stay a part of long after the “expiration date” has passed. And, if you are like my clients, when you finally get a “feel” for what real happiness is, you kick yourself for not “waking up” sooner.

I recognize you’re busy, so I’ll get right to it. By “faking it,”...

1. You are not honoring your needs. You have been faking it for so long that you have trained yourself to put your needs...last. You have no idea what you want, and you question whether or not you deserve it. You have often lost sight of what truly makes you happy, or you never gave yourself permission to figure it out in the first place.
2. You’ve trained yourself to be “comfortable.” If you’re anything like I used to be, you put on that “superwoman cape of honor,” and you spend your days looking for ways to bring a smile to the face of others, which means you will go to great lengths to keep the peace. Often not speaking up for yourself. You have grown so accustomed to “that’s just how I am,” “he’ll never change,” or “things never work out for me” that you dare not rock the boat.
3. You’ve become a master at settling for less than you want, need & deserve. You have trained yourself to be “likable” so much so that you are willing to accept behaviors, comments, gender biases that, if you knew what would make you happy, you would not settle for. You would know what you wanted and how to use your voice to manifest it into your life.
4. You’ve lost sight of what “true happiness” looks like for you. After years of putting others’ needs before your own, stepping back into the shadows while others take YOUR spotlight, you have no idea what happiness looks like or if it is even a possibility for you. Somehow, you’ve reserved yourself to accepting this “subpar” situation as this is all there is for you. 
5. One day you wake up and realize that it’s just not working for you anymore. How do you know when you’ve hit this “beautiful place?”
6. When you check out mentally and choose to watch the clock or the ceiling until “it’s over.”
7. When you find every excuse not to participate physically or mentally, no matter what “bonuses” present themselves.
8. When you begin hearing yourself say things like…
9. “I’ve devoted the best years of my life to this job (relationship), and I just realized it’s not working for me.
10. I’m still not happy!
11. When you decide just to walk away regardless of what’s at stake, pack up your things, move to Bali, and start a refreshing coconut cocktail stand on the beach.

Do you need to get to this place to turn things around? I want to share a story from my personal experience that should help drive this point home.

Years ago, I took a much-needed hiatus from corporate America. It was such a toxic and stressful environment that I experienced the following:

• I endured migraines that lasted for days that eventually landed me in the hospital.
• My energy was shorting out laptop screens. 
• I had to be rushed to the emergency room straight from work. 
• I lost 15lbs due to stress (I wish my hormones still functioned this way), and due to the pressure, I started making mistake after mistake. 

As I sat at home nursing my heart, mind, and soul back to health, it occurred to me. As much as I would like to think that I was happy there, juggling all of the responsibilities, holding down the title, managing across multiple locations, I was miserable! The more they gave me, the more I took on. You rarely heard the word diversity, and the level of disrespect, harassment, and racism was at an all-time high.

I tried as best as I could to “fake it.” The more I tried, the more it showed. The more I smiled and attempted to overlook the abuse, the more I felt like I was dying inside. It got so bad that I wasn’t sleeping; I could barely keep anything down, including water. If I knew then, what I know now about “hostile working environments,” I would have chosen a different path. However, the only thing I could do was get out of there before I was headed to the hospital directly from work; in a body bag.

I took a job during the holiday at a clothing store just to get out of the house and to revamp my work wardrobe at the same time. I’ve worked retail before, and I truly enjoyed it; however, this time was different. The level of stress involved was nothing compared to what I had experienced at my previous employer. What my colleagues considered stressful was a challenge to me. 

Making sales quota by doing what I loved - shopping and coaching women - was heaven to me. It wasn’t stressful at all, and I wasn’t faking my happiness; I genuinely enjoyed working there and coaching customers in the dressing room.

It didn’t take long to be promoted or become the favorite salesperson in the store. Next thing you know, I was off to a different location in a leadership position. I worked at the clothing store until I took on my next corporate job. But that’s another story for another podcast episode. Maybe I’ll title that one “When you show up to your review with an updated resume.”

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