03 You Can Do It All, But Why?

Hey there, my fellow executive women. Where are you right now as you listen to this episode? Are you sitting still with your beverage of choice? Or are you multi-tasking, listening while you are juggling several tasks, meetings, the kids, your parents, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.? 

Or perhaps you have a great team that you can depend on, but you’re so used to doing things “your way” or avoiding the frustration of “having to do it over again,” you decided to do it yourself.

Listen, I know you can do it all and that you are capable of juggling multiple tasks, but why should you? It’s been a  very, very busy week. When I look at the personal and professional assignments completed this week, I get tired just by reading them. I used to try and do everything myself; my way, getting it right the first time and in my timeframe. If my name was attached to it, it had to be just right. Well, ok, I still struggle a bit with this one, but trust me, I’m a lot better than I used to be. So why is this such a struggle for women? Especially Black women and women in leadership positions? I’ll tell you why.

Join me on the podcast this week to hear about how long it took me to realize that I couldn’t do it by myself and the trials and tribulations I have gone through along the way. I CAN do it all, but why? See you inside the episode.

What You Will Learn:

• Why it’s important to slow down and let go to avoid crashing
• To curb your inner critic and fear of others judgment
• To prioritize the important things, especially yourself and your health
• How and why you should self reflect and see where your time is going vs. where you want it to go

Hey there beautiful, and welcome to the podcast. Today I’m going to share why even though you CAN do it all, it doesn't mean that you should. I have struggled with this for years, decades even. I’m not sure where the concept of juggling 12 different (and sometimes unrelated) things came from, but it’s time you changed the program.

I remember it all started in college for me; captain of the dance team (formerly known as the pom-pom squad); carrying 18 credit hours, working 60+ hours per week, choir rehearsal, social life, and then church on Sunday mornings was my routine. I continued at this pace for several months until it landed me in the hospital. Here is what happened.

Working, going to school, managing the dance team, working overtime, and avoiding an ex-boyfriend that was stalking me (this was before the “stalking laws” came into effect) had me operating on little to no sleep. I was always looking over my shoulder, always taking on more shifts to show that I was a good employee, and without realizing it, I was coaching the women on the dance team. If someone needed me, I was there all while starting a new relationship.

One night, after returning from a date with my new boo at the time, we were sitting in front of my house in his car when I complained about a monster migraine. Jokingly I said to him, “my head hurts so bad, you’re going to come to visit me in the hospital.” We laughed it off, and I went into the house to go to bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up in a cold sweat. 

My bedroom was on the second floor, and the bathroom was on the first, so I started making my way down the stairs slowly, as it was darker than I was used to. My mother liked to keep the blinds open in our family room which meant that the street lights should have illuminated the room, but it wasn’t; it was dark.

Having walked this path many times before, I slowly found my way to the kitchen. To the kitchen’s right was the bathroom; I was almost there, still unable to see a thing, and then just as I turned the corner, my head hit the rotary phone on the wall, and I fell to the floor. My father was the first to come downstairs that morning and found me passed out on the floor.

He woke me up, led me to the couch, and went and got my mother. We discovered that I had been on the floor for about 3 hours. After a week in the hospital and many tests/brain scans, the diagnosis was overexertion and anxiety. I scaled back on working as many hours, dropped one of my classes, and slowed down slightly. However, that was over 30 years ago, and I promise you, I did not learn my lesson until this year.

Over the past 30 years, I have continuously found myself “doing the most” and going through a cycle of “run, run, run...crash; run, run, run...crash” until a few months ago. As a dual-preneur, my plate is full!!! Work, the business, POA for an aging parent with memory challenges, family, clients, etc., self-care had taken a back seat. 

You know there are times when we don’t do things for our own sake but the sake of others? Well, that’s what finally led me to retire my superwoman cape. I was on a mission to get my mother approved for a complete neuro-psych evaluation as she had been having memory issues, and I had started recognizing a few memory issues in myself. So, I scheduled my very own neuro-psych eval (which lasted almost 4-hours). 

The tests were annoying, and since I spent most of the time trying to “figure out the trick,” I worked myself up into a monster migraine to the point where I had to finish the 350 question exam from home. Damn overachiever! When the results came back, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but since I had not been able to function at 150 miles per hour as I had in the past, something MUST be wrong with me, right? Not exactly.

Once I shared with the neuropsychologist everything I do, everything and everyone I am responsible for, how I barely get 4 hours of sleep at night, she compared my activity to the test results. I was not expecting the diagnosis she shared with me during my follow-up virtual visit, but it was one that I needed to hear.

The neuropsychologist told me the following:

• I was not experiencing any type of cognitive decline; quite the opposite. It showed that I was operating above average.
• There was no sign of dementia, any sort of neurological or biological problems whatsoever.

So what was going on then? I was doing TOO MUCH! She told me that I needed to reduce my list of responsibilities and delegate whenever I could. If I didn’t stop trying to DO IT ALL, eventually, there would be a cognitive decline. So my homework was to go home, review my “to do” lists, remove items, delegate tasks to others, ask for help, and set boundaries on my time … without hesitation. And that’s precisely what I did.

I looked at all that I am responsible for, I took myself through the same exercises I take my executive clients through, and I started rewriting the story of my life. Throughout this time, I faced several inner critic thoughts. Things like…

• Who do you think you are to hire an executive personal assistant to do things that you can do yourself?
• Why are you going to waste the money?
• Really, you’re hiring a painter? You know how to paint!
• You don’t need someone to hang curtain rods for you; you’ve been doing it for years on your own.
• What will people in your circle think of your hiring help?
• You have kids living at home, and you’re hiring a house cleaner?
• You need to be the one to schedule all of your and your mom’s appointments?
• That’s such a “white thing” to do. You know, “outsource your life.”

I had to fight against these thoughts and other conditioning thoughts that I’ve grown up with over the years. If I’m completely honest with you, I’ve had the same thoughts about other people as well. While it was a process growing through them, I am so glad I pushed through and did it anyway. 

Even though I help my clients with this same sort of activity, once again, I allowed myself to get on the hamster wheel and caught myself (in time) from spinning out of control. Just because I CAN do it all, but why should I? I know of 3 executives, one male and two female that had heart attacks, in the office at their desks. Constantly pushing through reports, meetings, sales quotas at the expense of your health is not the answer. 

And if something does happen to you because of all of the “extra responsibilities” you have taken on, they will not erect a statue in your honor or pay your grandchildren’s tuition for life; they will put in a job requisition and hire someone to take your place. Or, if you are in business for yourself, they will find another company and keep things moving. If asked, they will say, “it’s not personal; it’s business,” but I’m here to tell you that it IS personal and that it should be to you as well. 

How on earth can you be a “Happy Executive Woman” if you’re not making your needs a priority? 

• Not sleeping
• having migraines
• breaking out into hives
• developing an ulcer
• having a heart attack
• overindulging in exercise, food, drugs, alcohol, or any sort of vice to help you push through the overexertion

It will only serve to postpone your happiness and wreak havoc on every area of your life.  

You owe it to yourself to do a review of your own to determine where you are “doing too much.” And if you need help with not only identifying where you’re spending too much time but how to release the guilt, perfectionism, and fear that goes along with “pulling back,” let's sit down and talk to learn how we can work together. I’d be happy to support you through this.

Featured on the Show:

• Take the free video training Can He Handle Your Grind? and learn more about your relationship habits than you thought possible in an hour!
• How to Date Successfully as a Professional Woman, 10 Tip DownloadSignature Course
• Learn more about how you can work directly with Anita 
• Love the show? Leave a review of the show in Apple Podcasts (click the link to find out how).
• Follow me on Instagram!
• Find me on Facebook!

Do you feel like you're always running? Like you can't find time for the simplest things like self-care, grooming, or even quality time with your partner? Of course, you do! As an executive woman with purpose and on a mission, you might feel like this all of the time. Your schedule is packed, and let's face it, you have no energy for the things that matter most to you or your partner because you are putting energy into all of your other responsibilities. I know you do this because I am guilty of doing it as well.

Several years ago when I realized that I didn't have enough time for self-care or a relationship, I decided to determine where all of my energy was going. I created an energy wheel and followed a process that allowed me to see exactly where I was spending my energy. Once I knew where the energy was going, I gave myself permission to determine what really needed my attention, what I could cut back on, and what I could get rid of, if not forever, at least for the time being. And that's what I want to give you, the gift of clarity with a side of permission. Follow this link to my free relationship energy wheel course and worksheet, and stop feeling like you're all over the place. Reclaim your time and your energy today.

Girl, what are you waiting for? Have you taken my free video training, “Can He Handle Your Grind?” It is not just for single women; it’s also for women already in a relationship or married. Click here to access the training. Once inside, you will understand why you can’t seem to attract the right one, how you woke up one day and realized you married the wrong one and what you can do about it.